Robert works for an investment bank and has spent many years creating and maintaining trading systems. He knows far too much about low latency data systems and garbage collection than is good for anyone. If you find yourself in a pub with him then do NOT mention phrases like "mark and sweep" or "memory profiling" as you'll be stuck there for hours and, might, be forced to break an ashtray over your own head to get away from him.
The Five Phrases of Highly Annoying Programmers
or How to get a Slap in the Office
Most of the bloggers on "The Pragmatic Architect" will give advice on what you should be doing. I'd like to point out some of the things you shouldn't. Here are some phrases that send a shudder down my spine.
- "It's what Martin Fowler does/says". Martin Fowler (or anyone well known, I'm not picking on him in particular) may or may not have a specific opinion on a subject but it isn't correct just because they have stated it. Can it be applied to your situation and is it the optimal solution for where you are? This is actually a classic logical fallacy called "Argumentum ad verecundiam" or "Appeal to Authority".
- "Pah, that's from Microsoft" - with a dismissive wave of the hand. This is another logical fallacy, called "Argumentum ad hominem" or "Argument against the man". Just because, for example, Microsoft Bob was a failure doesn't mean that C# will also fail. If you have a problem with a particular technical product or solution then argue against it rather than an individual or company associated with it. This is different though from arguing that a company in trouble may not be able to provide future support as this is a real attribute of the solution.
- "That's not my job". If you're the most appropriate person for the task then it is your job. For example, you may not be the DBA on a project but if you designed the data model then it makes sense for you to at least help with the SQL. The same goes for source control, release scripts etc.
- "In my last job we..." Repeat after me YOU NO LONGER WORK THERE. I know I'm being slightly unfair - if you had a good system, process, design etc that can be reused (within the limitations of intellectual property, of course) then that's great but don't turn into the girl from American Pie going on about band camp. Please don't point out every difference like a criticism.
- "Your code is broken." Please, oh please it's the code is broken. In any system, larger than a time-filling hobby, there will be a multitude of designers and programmers working on it over many years. It will also interface with a multitude of external products and systems. Unless you're talking about a build break from a check-in don't point the finger - or I may slam it in a door.
For more on logical fallacies: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallacy
Re: The Five Phrases of Highly Annoying Programmers
This morning I was at an ISO9001 training course and this afternoon I have been going through algorithms for 'credit markup' valuations and looking for 'default free counterparty' curves from static databases.
However I did have a great lunch! It's not glamorous every day of the week you know ;-)
Re: The Five Phrases of Highly Annoying Programmers
Ah, then having just done the ISO9001 training you'll know that you shouldn't be taking on tasks that are outside the roles defined in your project's quality plan, particularly if it is something that is explicitly expected of another party. When asked to do so, just reply 'not my job' :P
'Being the most appropriate person' is subjective but should probably cover whether you're available, paid or even permitted to undertake the task as well as whether someone else is supposed to be doing it.
Giving such a dismissive reply does merit a slap, though!
